Me & Saint Peter

Jus’ imagine I'm dead & jus standin by Saint peter. Guess our conversation’d be sth like this:
Me: heyyyyyyyy
S.p (frownin): hello my boy.
Me: how ya? Seems me dead?
S.P : yes, ok just answer some questions and you can go to heaven.
Me: k. ask
S.P : do you believe in God?
Me: ya mean creator of heaven & hell & ….., wellllllllll, yep.
SP. : what about Jesus Christ?
Me: fuck JC. What a hell he did for me? Survivor who did nothin for me!
Sp.: all right. Name three good things that you did on earth?
Me: errrrrrrrrrrr…. Emmmmmmmmmmmmm…. Lemme seeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee ,
After an hour, SP : all right my boy, better just name one good deed!
Me still thinking, thinking ?& thinking
After 100 years
SP: okay say something.
Me: im workin on my thinking & im thinkin it’s improvin.
SP: okay one last chance, don’t you want to say anything?
Now I can see SFAFH (some fuckin angels from hell) standin by his side.
Me: yes yes, well ( my life’s whizzing in fronna my eyes) I broke several windows, shot several birds, killed several cats, lied several times, drank several bottles, fuck several lassies…..
SP: ok take him
Then the SFAFH took my hands and threw me into fire.
ME: noooooooooooooooo, fuckya s.p.