aRCHIVE fEBURARY 2006 PART 1

the -y- poem16 02 2006

tears don’t come down my eye
i hate the moment you say good bye

when you’re away, you make me cry
when you’re around, it’s jus pry

all i want in life, is a way to fly
but it’s all failure, no matter how hard i try

there’s no answer to my question :”why?”
all i got every day is another simple lie

all you do makes me feel like a stir-fry
so leave me, i wanna be alone and die

hmmmm not too bad for the begining, it’s jus another creepy thought full of YEdit : EditComments : No Comments » Categories : feelings
soundblog:16 02 2006

yeah soundblog’s the future of this little cornor we have to let ourselves out, it’s fun to hear the blogger’s voice instead of reading every post, we can feel how they really felt that time, then bloggers can have live posts & jus imagine talking comments! some one shouting, some one crying.
it sounds quite weird but we can have such things in the future years, all we want is new materials & new programs. that’s what i like about materials, i know i can never make a new material but maybe i can suggest a new thing, materials’re so dammed important , the bricks of industry & technology; what a good brilliant boy i am, choosing such a cool field;
aha i was talkin’ about sound blogs, how do you like ‘em?!
sounds cool, but i prefer the ol’ typin style, hiding behind the thick-thin walls of wires & chips.
one more thing, there wont be much change in the style of crap here, if you dont like it, dont read it (hehehehhe) i dont have much time to post thoughtful stuff, btw i never think! Edit : EditComments : No Comments » Categories : thoughts
HEAVEN IN BLACK14 02 2006
If only you had known to be honest was wrongFor the work that you’ve done you will pay with your eyesDon’t be afraid you will never lose your love.
Into the black where the night never ends and the lightLeaves a scar on your soul where your heart used to hold your love here!Heaven in Black
Inside there’s a voice saying was there a choice?You’d still be entombed in the nightLucifer’s to blame, the reason for the flameThey’ve taken your sight but they’ll not take your GodDon’t be afraid you will never lose your love.happy valentine
what a disgusting terrible day Edit : EditComments : No Comments » Categories : no salvation
Project13 02 2006
Dear prof
i do need a project to graduate, why are you jus ignorin’ me!
i do want a project in advanced material, specially anything bio, why you want me to take a extraction, huh?!
i gotta cry, i gotta check others, why summer, geezzzz i wanna rest in summer, i wanna go on vacATION, i don want workin on hot summer days.
i need help, i need project Edit : EditComments : 1 Comment » Categories : creepy univ.
FNS12 02 2006
hhhmmm what am i supposed to write for this topic considering i have a little time to write cos i gotta check library & go to my class
aha lemme see, let’s start it wit my legs.
i gotta thank my creator for giving me only 2 legs, jus imagine if i had 1 or three, hhhmmm i dunno how i had to walk & as it’s obvious i’m outta my mind, everything looks like a real hell.
i may write more later, better go!Edit : EditComments : No Comments » Categories : thoughts
Valentine11 02 2006
jus lookin’ at the calender, whoaaaaaa it’s 11th , jus 3 days!
& then boogie! i dont have a list of human beings for this day! that means savin’ money. lol!
hhhmmm guess i better go buy myself a new pair of shoes & a red rose, too romantic ain’t it?!?!
ok if you think nobody loves you & wont send you card, jus mail me, i’ll do it
time for studyin a bit, been out in the few last days & didnt open a page.
i was thinkin of my project & last night i had a dream, sth about dia magnetic itergranular stress or like, but i cant remember ; better go to bed & maybe i dream of it & write it down! heheheheEdit : EditComments : No Comments » Categories : my view, my love, friendship
happy birthday to those born on 10th feb.10 02 2006
happy birthday Cliff
let’s play pulling teeth in the memo of him.
Edit : EditComments : No Comments » Categories : friendship
quote9 02 2006
“Maybe to the world you just one person, but to one person you might be the world.”
me: really?!
Edit : EditComments : No Comments » Categories : friendship
cyber or real:conclusion8 02 2006

i’ve thought & written so many times about this subject, at last i came to a conclusion.
there’s no end to real friend ship, real i mean real, with your heart, but about cyber there’s no limit to your friends, if got tired of one, there are many others, so there’s a time limitation.
once i thought i can replace real world with cyber world, but you know! it’s unpossible! or i wont do it!nothing can be as real as real world, i close the gates & move to my castle, i don care about the surrounding world, but be sure whenever you knock i open the gates for friends, i rest my case Edit : EditComments : No Comments » Categories : hell
dunno8 02 2006
bbb…..bbbb….bbbbb…..my mind’s blank, no honestly it’s not, it’s jus restin & in peace.i spent most of yesterday thinkin’, thinkin’ and thinkin’ (too much thinkin’ i didnt saw the bus, neither the driver,lucky nothing happened!)it’s fine to start yer day with stress & anger & end it in deep depression.when i saw a friend’s drawings i told meself:”wow, she’s so talented & i’m jus a piece of shit, livin’ on this earth for a while what do i have to show?!” truely nothing.been watchin’ tv a bit , so many religious debates , some of ‘em really good; now i wonder how i dared denying someone that obvious, some how, still deep in my soul (not really deep but not superficial)i fight with God, accusing him to be unfair to some guys, jus imagine you were born in a really really poor family, you couldnt pay the bills, no money to pay for fuel and gas in below -10C winters, sleepin outside on christmas , who’s to blame?i really dunno if i have the right to say what’s right & wrong, surely i dont, but i say it; i judge people by their appearance, am i a fool? no, i’m jus human being. i really dont get it why humans are created , what have they done? jus ruinin’ everything, being demanding, killing each other, not at all useful! or maybe again i’m wrong, he’s perfect so there should be the creation of human with so many mistakes to make during his/her life.there are lota things i dunno & i would never know, i’m not that smart, i have lota limitations as a human being, lord knows better!the more i see, the worst i feel. the feeling of wasting my time & life & can’t stop it, im jus wasting the time i’m responsible for & i gotta answer in the presence of lord on the resurrectoin day, judgement day. i was tellin’ sb i dont have any talents, i’m jus a dweeb & he said you’re insultin’ a God’s creature, i always thoght if i commit a suicide, i did sth good, being useless & a piece ‘o shit better not to pollute earth more, lota people would live in ease. now i know i dont have the right to do such a foolish act, it’s jus like killing someone else, & then i asked myself do i have the right to kill sb else? would i murder sb for jus bein’ a pain in the ass? no i wouldnt.im not a fool, jus enjoy ignorin’ the obvious things.in the last few days i had a good experience, i jus didnt feel like eating, i was hungry sometimes but keep ignoring it, noting like fastin’, when you fast you jus dont eat for 12-15 hours, then you can eat as much as you like, but i jus felt like i can live without eatin for days, any time i ate i jus didnt enjoy it, jus like an obligation, dammed it’s a human need, lord gave us the appetite & the chance to enjoy his gifts & be grateful,then i watched devil’s advocate (for the 5th times), i really love that movie specially the last 10-20 minutes when kevin(keanu reeves) asks Satan-his father- (al pacino) who’s god?i dunno if you watched it or not, but im jus puttin it here to remind myselfSatan:’who’re you carrying those bricks for? God? lemme give you a little inside information about God.God likes ot watch, he’s a prankster. he gives man instincts, and then what does he do? i swear for his own amusement, his own private cosmic gag reel; he sets the rules in opposition.it’s a goof of all time; look but dont touch, touch but dont taste,taste but dont swallow. & while you’re jumpin from one foot to the next, what is he doing? he’s laughin’ his sick fuckin’ ass off.”& the story goes on. it’s such a great movie,sometimes i think the above sentences are quite right, why God gives us so many instincts & then forbid, promising heaven that we have no idea whether it exists or not & frigtening us of hell that there’s the possibility it doesnt exist;i know you knew all those, i wasted yer time, but imagine you wanna find God, you didnt know those,(or forgot it or ignored it) you weren’t taught so many things since the very young age & you gotta discover it yourself, challengin’ so many things, bannin’ so many things, and let’s not talk about the inner pressure you have, you gotta make peace with your fuckin’self.i wish it was jus like learnin how to melt iron how to purify it, you could melt yer soul & it was purified; lemme do a confession, there are times i say to meslef, fuck God, he’s so mean, i need to think dirty, islam’s such a perfect religion for guys givin’ em the right to have 4 wives, but it’s not.i always thought islam’s all obligations, fastin’ prayin’ so many rules against women, heaven i didnt know it’s the most reflexible religion in the world, behind every rule & obligation there’s a philosophy you have to think& read for ages & then you might understand jus a very little of it.i hate myself for bein such a jerkass all the time, i dont think i can ever go to heaven, i’m jus like a cow who gives lota milk & the very last minute with a kick spill all of it.i’m jus tired of the struggle, im jus tired of bein so weak,bein such a pain in ass creature, i know he loves me but i cant see the reason.i wanna be good, i wanna deserve heaven, but what if i cant be good, so better die soon, so i dont dirty my soul more. yeah, Lord can you hear me, didnt you say ask anything you want and i give you. i want death, i hate this life, it’s useless, it’s meaningless, i dont want money, i dont want have my own job, family, home…. i jus wanna be good.how can you love me when i’m not lovely at all!God i wanna ask you sth, i need your help, i need your help, can you hear me!Edit : EditComments : No Comments » Categories : thoughts
a bull in china shop7 02 2006
d’ahhhhh i dunno what’s wrong with me today i keep stubbing my toes & feet to any possible thing like bed, chair, fridge…. the result was that the chair fell down & made a terrible sound early in the morning (5am) guess i woke the whole street up, i have a terrible pain in my knee now, hope i dont stub into bus, train & profs cos any of them can make a lota trouble, i’m still feel like partyin; so does everyone & everything that’s the reason it’s so cloudy & cold & everyone enjoy hurting my feelings,
hey yo out there i’m happy , it’s great but did i say you can insult me!?!? ;(Edit : EditComments : No Comments » Categories : no salvation
rock & roll6 02 2006
i wanna be a rock & roll star….
hey no , im not serious!
im just too happy.
mission complete, me extremely happy, all the subjects passed.
seems life smilin again!
Edit : EditComments : No Comments » Categories : feelings
guilty as hell4 02 2006
hhhmmm
new term seriously started, nothing for today
i want lunchhhhhhhhhhh Edit : EditComments : No Comments » Categories : thoughts