aRCHIVE fEBURARY 2006 PART 2
home27 02 2006
home, sweet home.
my heavens, it’s dammed cold, something round 10, i think i’ll be dead soon.Edit : EditComments : 2 Comments » Categories : hell
to have or not to have24 02 2006
what a weird question? to have or not to have! hhhmm what i wanna have?!
well im talking about friends, i mean buddy. some one you can trust , someone you can LOVE, someone who cheer you up when crying, someone to give you courage when you need, someone to lean on when weak & things like this.
do i have such a person? nope. am i that close to anyone? nope
when you’re expecting such things from someone, you gotta do the same for him/her. am i that responsible? nah
so
Got no time to be on the roadGot no holes in my shoesYou’re the reason all my friends are goneBut I won’t run from you
guess i wanna be on my own, alone, i need such a person but im not ready to do my responsilities, lemme play with my toys & watch cartoons. fuck loneliness, lemme die on my own, i dont think such a person’s born yet. i dont think there’s some one as crazy as me.
let’s have a party & celebrate another depressed day. i love feeling blue. Edit : EditComments : 2 Comments » Categories : my view, my love, friendship
blue24 02 2006
it’s been a while that i feel really depressed, i dont like smiling, i dont feel like cheering.
i thought it’s not obvious but it’s dammed clear. it’s fun somehow. people keep asking “what’s wrong dawg” and me jus lie “nothing, im ok”
the truth is i dunno the answer, i think i can never smile again, this world makes me sick. there’s something wrong in it that affect my feelings. i dont wanna smile, i dont wanna cry, i wanna be sad, jus sad.
everything’s late, wanna know why? i tell you, there’s nothing fair in this world, good people dont have money, poor people are jus poor, when you need the money you dont have it, lack of money cause lota problems, on the other hand bad guys have lota money, hey lord why everything’s so complicated?
note: password protected: means i didnt want you to read it & i didnt want it in my diary, ok?Edit : EditComments : 1 Comment » Categories : thoughts
cliche’23 02 2006
it’s all the same, the same struggle, the same man.
do i have the chance to change?
my thoughts will be wondering the way it always do, all creepy & repetitious.
i jus wanna run away but i know it’s useless, who am i hiding from?!Edit : EditComments : No Comments » Categories : thoughts
you little asshole, dont fuck with me!23 02 2006
there are times i hate myself, for being weak for trying to be like others, eagerly forget my goal in life. i want to cheer everyone up. when i’m sad i put on my indifference mask, people think im torpid, self-centered,apathetic creature. i hate ‘em. do i have the right to hate ‘em . nooooo
so i jus try to ignore’ em. let ‘em think as they like, let ‘em say what they want, im created for a heavenly goal, im created to ignore the materials around me, not to get involved in earthly matters, pass Lord’s ordeal, gotta be a winner in the presence of Lord. i wanna be proud of myself for doing the right thing. i try to make everyone happy no matter how it hurts, little surprises can bring lota happiness & joy. jus to know someone’s thinking about you. i really dont want much in life, i want heaven, Lord created it for us but we gotta prove that we’re good enough to taste his so many kindness. to meet the creator.
but sometimes i feel im weak, when yo udo something for someone, they become happy if oyu do it several times, they think it’s your duty. wtf! it’s not my job to cheer you up, have you ever thought that i can be sad too, i dont have a heart of stone, im a living creaure with lota feelings, dont batter me with your heavy boots & it’s not that difficult to think i need someone to love me too, to hold me when im down, im not a ladder for your improvements.
so better becareful with every step you take, watch out , you’re crushing that flower.
remember it’s not my duty to bring smile on your face when you’re sad, to surprise you with little funny stuff on special occasions, wait a second & see i have needs too, asimple thanks wont be hard & dont insult me when i have no energy left to make you happy. i will love you , i will cheer you up, but it’s not my DUTY.
PS i lost my mask, tolerate this sad look please Edit : EditComments : No Comments » Categories : duty
Protected: Lies & Truth: my real identity22 02 2006
This post is password protected. To view it please enter your password below:
Password:Edit : EditComments : Enter your password to view comments Categories : no salvation
what i am?22 02 2006
sometimes im feel depressed, down in the dumps, i hate myself, i hate everyone, i think nobdy cares about me, other times im quite lively & lovely, i can cheer you up if you dont put all your sorrow on me, i cant carry yours, i have my own problems. i do anything for a friend but i hate lies, stop playing silly games! Edit : EditComments : 4 Comments » Categories : feelings
Act I:20 02 2006
Scene 1: dark cold room, loud music playing, the familiar magical sound of Burton’s bass, “pulling teeth”.
Half burned cigarette left on the edge of the cupboard, half opened fridge, water pouring into the glass, cry of “SHIT” can be heard from miles away.
Scene 2: the relaxing tone of bass turned to the disgusting voice of J.Lo “fucking ^$&$&%$& , who shitted my CD?!”. Angrily looking for the remote control, me appears on the stage! Oooppps TV off, kneeling on the floor looking for Forbidden album of Black Sabbath.
Back to the kitchen with the glass still in my hand looking for some aspirin! As soon as findin’ one, swallowed without hesitation.
Scene 3: ringing bell me running to the door asking “who’s it?” .in a second the door is opened , somebody handed me a hot edible thing. “Thanks “
Without looking , threw the food to the fridge, no appetite at all.
Grabbing the still burning cigarette, turned on the light, ‘tallica in , speakers on, volume up.
“Exit light, Enter night…”
Pc on, a blank page of Diary infronna me. “No, Not again!” phone ringing non-stop.
Running to the living room, hung up. Back to the bedroom opening window a bit letting fresh air to enter the space.
Scene 4:throwing the ashes to the trash can , lighting another cigarette “ this is the last!” conscience speaking:” Don’t fuck with me!”
Endless sound of clicking on the keyboard & coughs, the page’s not blank anymore , cigarette still burning; pain remaining in my gum & taste of blood in my mouth.
Another day’s finished!
Notes:1. I really pulled my tooth out!
2. I have a nice neighbor that sometimes gimme some good meals! Hihihi
3. there’s lota pain in my mouth
Edit : EditComments : 2 Comments » Categories : thoughts
doom & gloom20 02 2006
jus another day, as usual. i had lota things in my mind , none of ‘em available now, dumpped!
nothing special about today, that ol’ story, mood!
no right to cry , no aim to try.
i lost it again; so many nightmares, so many terrible things.not a smile in the corner of my lip.
jus too tired to do anything, outta energy.
dont talk to me; im not in the mood. another dentist appointment, pulling my wise tooth! im wondering what would happen to me without my wise tooth. no more wise quotes!
let the sky cry
everybody laugh at you
drowning again in hell
nobody is mad at you!
the truth about me:i convicted myself, i became no one. i convicted human beings, i became wicked. i convicted God, i became heathen!Edit : EditComments : No Comments » Categories : hell
what can you expect in the days to come?19 02 2006
It is hard to make a list of all the joy and happiness you may hope for, but I can tell you that the most incredible events may happen to you anytime now… such as:
1
win a large sum of money(that, I know that it may happen to you, for I have foreseen it clearly)
2
find your Special One, or find again True Love
3
make some new and interesting encounters
4
finally find the Solution for this dreadful problem that you had
5
succeed in any exam or test you are about to enter
6
have a promotion
7
win the fight that opposed you to a person or an institution
8 somebody stop this crap!Edit : EditComments : No Comments » Categories : Uncategorized
thinking19 02 2006
im thinking
so many things in my mind but no time to type, guess ica ndo it tonight
have a nice weekEdit : EditComments : No Comments » Categories : creepy univ.
Born to lose17 02 2006
just as soft as the wind
you came in & spread your seed
thought i would be silent
and never ask you “why!”
who gave you the right
to tear me apart
wasnt i innocent to your eyes
so stop those devilish cries
leave me alone, let me vanish
it’s much better to get ravished
you thought i dont have a mind
you were wrong, im not that kind
jus pull out your dagger outta my heart
let it bleed till the last drop of blood
i know i was no better than you
you called me loser & i lost for you
i wasnt born to lose you baby
it wasnt my will to break your body
dont lean on me, im just too weak
dont let me fall, not another trick
i loose your hand, wont bite the quick
it’s the only way to end this hide & seekEdit : EditComments : 3 Comments » Categories : hell
everyday17 02 2006
Every day i open my eyes, there’s no difference, it’s jus all th same. the day light would come,in an hour or so. i just make another shedule like other days, call it different & leave the home.
another week means another fighting, another race to begin. getting up ,eating ,checking mails, running for the bus, going to classes, no time for lunch, checking mails again, updating blogs, again classes , back home , TV , reading, sleep. it’s jus all the same. some one’s puffing my life candle like mj, i dont like it, i have to stop it.
another day begins, i feel it’s my day, i try to feel happy & smile, keep your lips up & show your tooth to others, when you smile , no matter fake or real you get another smile; i know what goes on in others mind “how can he smile at this terrible life?” who said im smiling im mocking & mugging, decieving myself.
i look for new things in the same ol’ path, looking for new guys in the same ol’ bus, reading my books & listening to my loud music, trying to pretend there’s nothing in life that can bother me;
sometimes i wonder how i can play in such a silly game, when i know there’s nothing left in my pockets & cards gazing at the bars, waving for tipsy guys & waiting for another shining star to rise, call it my star & smile at it, then realize it was only light of a chopper flying away.
i like the city i live in, i like the people i meet everyday, i like smiling at strangers saying morning ; but you know what, it’s jus a dream , it’s jus a lie, i turn on my player & wait for a bus, i dont smile, i dont try to wave others goodbye, i jus go & come, nobody ever see me, nobody ever talk to me, nobody wait to shake a hand, i never hear “what’s up dawg!” im a nobody. so i close my eyes & pray to lord to cut my rope or blow my candle, all i wanna do is cry & die.
this endless swamps & whirl pools of nothingness & depression’s killing me. i want some one to hold me tight , to push me forward, God i need strength, im outta my mind again.
a>
home, sweet home.
my heavens, it’s dammed cold, something round 10, i think i’ll be dead soon.Edit : EditComments : 2 Comments » Categories : hell
to have or not to have24 02 2006
what a weird question? to have or not to have! hhhmm what i wanna have?!
well im talking about friends, i mean buddy. some one you can trust , someone you can LOVE, someone who cheer you up when crying, someone to give you courage when you need, someone to lean on when weak & things like this.
do i have such a person? nope. am i that close to anyone? nope
when you’re expecting such things from someone, you gotta do the same for him/her. am i that responsible? nah
so
Got no time to be on the roadGot no holes in my shoesYou’re the reason all my friends are goneBut I won’t run from you
guess i wanna be on my own, alone, i need such a person but im not ready to do my responsilities, lemme play with my toys & watch cartoons. fuck loneliness, lemme die on my own, i dont think such a person’s born yet. i dont think there’s some one as crazy as me.
let’s have a party & celebrate another depressed day. i love feeling blue. Edit : EditComments : 2 Comments » Categories : my view, my love, friendship
blue24 02 2006
it’s been a while that i feel really depressed, i dont like smiling, i dont feel like cheering.
i thought it’s not obvious but it’s dammed clear. it’s fun somehow. people keep asking “what’s wrong dawg” and me jus lie “nothing, im ok”
the truth is i dunno the answer, i think i can never smile again, this world makes me sick. there’s something wrong in it that affect my feelings. i dont wanna smile, i dont wanna cry, i wanna be sad, jus sad.
everything’s late, wanna know why? i tell you, there’s nothing fair in this world, good people dont have money, poor people are jus poor, when you need the money you dont have it, lack of money cause lota problems, on the other hand bad guys have lota money, hey lord why everything’s so complicated?
note: password protected: means i didnt want you to read it & i didnt want it in my diary, ok?Edit : EditComments : 1 Comment » Categories : thoughts
cliche’23 02 2006
it’s all the same, the same struggle, the same man.
do i have the chance to change?
my thoughts will be wondering the way it always do, all creepy & repetitious.
i jus wanna run away but i know it’s useless, who am i hiding from?!Edit : EditComments : No Comments » Categories : thoughts
you little asshole, dont fuck with me!23 02 2006
there are times i hate myself, for being weak for trying to be like others, eagerly forget my goal in life. i want to cheer everyone up. when i’m sad i put on my indifference mask, people think im torpid, self-centered,apathetic creature. i hate ‘em. do i have the right to hate ‘em . nooooo
so i jus try to ignore’ em. let ‘em think as they like, let ‘em say what they want, im created for a heavenly goal, im created to ignore the materials around me, not to get involved in earthly matters, pass Lord’s ordeal, gotta be a winner in the presence of Lord. i wanna be proud of myself for doing the right thing. i try to make everyone happy no matter how it hurts, little surprises can bring lota happiness & joy. jus to know someone’s thinking about you. i really dont want much in life, i want heaven, Lord created it for us but we gotta prove that we’re good enough to taste his so many kindness. to meet the creator.
but sometimes i feel im weak, when yo udo something for someone, they become happy if oyu do it several times, they think it’s your duty. wtf! it’s not my job to cheer you up, have you ever thought that i can be sad too, i dont have a heart of stone, im a living creaure with lota feelings, dont batter me with your heavy boots & it’s not that difficult to think i need someone to love me too, to hold me when im down, im not a ladder for your improvements.
so better becareful with every step you take, watch out , you’re crushing that flower.
remember it’s not my duty to bring smile on your face when you’re sad, to surprise you with little funny stuff on special occasions, wait a second & see i have needs too, asimple thanks wont be hard & dont insult me when i have no energy left to make you happy. i will love you , i will cheer you up, but it’s not my DUTY.
PS i lost my mask, tolerate this sad look please Edit : EditComments : No Comments » Categories : duty
Protected: Lies & Truth: my real identity22 02 2006
This post is password protected. To view it please enter your password below:
Password:Edit : EditComments : Enter your password to view comments Categories : no salvation
what i am?22 02 2006
sometimes im feel depressed, down in the dumps, i hate myself, i hate everyone, i think nobdy cares about me, other times im quite lively & lovely, i can cheer you up if you dont put all your sorrow on me, i cant carry yours, i have my own problems. i do anything for a friend but i hate lies, stop playing silly games! Edit : EditComments : 4 Comments » Categories : feelings
Act I:20 02 2006
Scene 1: dark cold room, loud music playing, the familiar magical sound of Burton’s bass, “pulling teeth”.
Half burned cigarette left on the edge of the cupboard, half opened fridge, water pouring into the glass, cry of “SHIT” can be heard from miles away.
Scene 2: the relaxing tone of bass turned to the disgusting voice of J.Lo “fucking ^$&$&%$& , who shitted my CD?!”. Angrily looking for the remote control, me appears on the stage! Oooppps TV off, kneeling on the floor looking for Forbidden album of Black Sabbath.
Back to the kitchen with the glass still in my hand looking for some aspirin! As soon as findin’ one, swallowed without hesitation.
Scene 3: ringing bell me running to the door asking “who’s it?” .in a second the door is opened , somebody handed me a hot edible thing. “Thanks “
Without looking , threw the food to the fridge, no appetite at all.
Grabbing the still burning cigarette, turned on the light, ‘tallica in , speakers on, volume up.
“Exit light, Enter night…”
Pc on, a blank page of Diary infronna me. “No, Not again!” phone ringing non-stop.
Running to the living room, hung up. Back to the bedroom opening window a bit letting fresh air to enter the space.
Scene 4:throwing the ashes to the trash can , lighting another cigarette “ this is the last!” conscience speaking:” Don’t fuck with me!”
Endless sound of clicking on the keyboard & coughs, the page’s not blank anymore , cigarette still burning; pain remaining in my gum & taste of blood in my mouth.
Another day’s finished!
Notes:1. I really pulled my tooth out!
2. I have a nice neighbor that sometimes gimme some good meals! Hihihi
3. there’s lota pain in my mouth
Edit : EditComments : 2 Comments » Categories : thoughts
doom & gloom20 02 2006
jus another day, as usual. i had lota things in my mind , none of ‘em available now, dumpped!
nothing special about today, that ol’ story, mood!
no right to cry , no aim to try.
i lost it again; so many nightmares, so many terrible things.not a smile in the corner of my lip.
jus too tired to do anything, outta energy.
dont talk to me; im not in the mood. another dentist appointment, pulling my wise tooth! im wondering what would happen to me without my wise tooth. no more wise quotes!
let the sky cry
everybody laugh at you
drowning again in hell
nobody is mad at you!
the truth about me:i convicted myself, i became no one. i convicted human beings, i became wicked. i convicted God, i became heathen!Edit : EditComments : No Comments » Categories : hell
what can you expect in the days to come?19 02 2006
It is hard to make a list of all the joy and happiness you may hope for, but I can tell you that the most incredible events may happen to you anytime now… such as:
1
win a large sum of money(that, I know that it may happen to you, for I have foreseen it clearly)
2
find your Special One, or find again True Love
3
make some new and interesting encounters
4
finally find the Solution for this dreadful problem that you had
5
succeed in any exam or test you are about to enter
6
have a promotion
7
win the fight that opposed you to a person or an institution
8 somebody stop this crap!Edit : EditComments : No Comments » Categories : Uncategorized
thinking19 02 2006
im thinking
so many things in my mind but no time to type, guess ica ndo it tonight
have a nice weekEdit : EditComments : No Comments » Categories : creepy univ.
Born to lose17 02 2006
just as soft as the wind
you came in & spread your seed
thought i would be silent
and never ask you “why!”
who gave you the right
to tear me apart
wasnt i innocent to your eyes
so stop those devilish cries
leave me alone, let me vanish
it’s much better to get ravished
you thought i dont have a mind
you were wrong, im not that kind
jus pull out your dagger outta my heart
let it bleed till the last drop of blood
i know i was no better than you
you called me loser & i lost for you
i wasnt born to lose you baby
it wasnt my will to break your body
dont lean on me, im just too weak
dont let me fall, not another trick
i loose your hand, wont bite the quick
it’s the only way to end this hide & seekEdit : EditComments : 3 Comments » Categories : hell
everyday17 02 2006
Every day i open my eyes, there’s no difference, it’s jus all th same. the day light would come,in an hour or so. i just make another shedule like other days, call it different & leave the home.
another week means another fighting, another race to begin. getting up ,eating ,checking mails, running for the bus, going to classes, no time for lunch, checking mails again, updating blogs, again classes , back home , TV , reading, sleep. it’s jus all the same. some one’s puffing my life candle like mj, i dont like it, i have to stop it.
another day begins, i feel it’s my day, i try to feel happy & smile, keep your lips up & show your tooth to others, when you smile , no matter fake or real you get another smile; i know what goes on in others mind “how can he smile at this terrible life?” who said im smiling im mocking & mugging, decieving myself.
i look for new things in the same ol’ path, looking for new guys in the same ol’ bus, reading my books & listening to my loud music, trying to pretend there’s nothing in life that can bother me;
sometimes i wonder how i can play in such a silly game, when i know there’s nothing left in my pockets & cards gazing at the bars, waving for tipsy guys & waiting for another shining star to rise, call it my star & smile at it, then realize it was only light of a chopper flying away.
i like the city i live in, i like the people i meet everyday, i like smiling at strangers saying morning ; but you know what, it’s jus a dream , it’s jus a lie, i turn on my player & wait for a bus, i dont smile, i dont try to wave others goodbye, i jus go & come, nobody ever see me, nobody ever talk to me, nobody wait to shake a hand, i never hear “what’s up dawg!” im a nobody. so i close my eyes & pray to lord to cut my rope or blow my candle, all i wanna do is cry & die.
this endless swamps & whirl pools of nothingness & depression’s killing me. i want some one to hold me tight , to push me forward, God i need strength, im outta my mind again.
a>
posted by Keith at Sunday, March 11, 2007
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