disgusting me!

I went to Cambridge taday trying to find some books to read for my finals.
I think there's sth wrong with me, there are tens of libraries in the university, but I went to the one Meg works in, I even checked the time making sure she's there (I didn't do it intentionally or consciously) I went straight to the pc to search for any available metal forming books; there she was sitting at the disk. Hell, how sweet & lovely she looked; she looked beautiful, awesome with that pink lipstick. I tried to remember the times we were together, how much I wanted her, I really felt hot, I dreamed of the times I f**ked her, really sweat, I did wanted to eat her.
I was pulled outta my sweat dreams by the voice of a Chinese girl sayin:" have you finished your search?" I looked up & there was no sight of Meg, it was 10 & her shift was finished & an old guy was at the desk, I collected my papers & made a bee line for the door, when I saw Meg with her new bf, standing in a dark corner of the corridor, and hell, that bitch was kissin her. I really felt terrible, annoyed, frustrated, abandoned and lonely, I was lucky she didn't notice me. The funny thing was that I had no control over my tears, I was extremely angry at myself, I really acted childish. I thought every thing was over, and truly it is over, I dunno why I'm still foolishly in love.
When I got home I went to a store nearby & got a Marlboro, I know I gave up smoking, but I really need one. (I haven't lit it yet, and I don’t want to light it anymore, I'm jus lookin at it!)
Opened the door & went upstairs, counting the stairs (I never use the elevator, cause it's really old & insecure) 10, 20,30 wow I was 10 stairs to our place, when I met that guy; I dunno his name, but I met him once & I knew he lives on the 4th floor; I was shocked, cause they rarely use stairs. I dunno why, but I stopped as he passed me, then went on countin 9, 8… then heard a voice callin my name. I turned back.
That guy was callin me." Keith, right?" I nodded, wonderin how he found out my name (well, think it's not weird, I'm the only one, every one in this building knows well!)
He went on:" how're ya doin? Havin your exams I suppose?" I felt voiceless, may be we were in the same department!
He continued:" guess you're alone this evening, your home mate's away, isn't he?"
Hell, I was really shocked I jus kept on noddin, cause I couldn’t think of a single word.
And this is what he said in the end:" Clyde & I wanted to celebrate our first wedding anniversary & I wonder if you mind coming!"
As far as I was really furious at Meg I said:" I try to come"
The guy said:" so we'd be waitin for you around 7, bye now" and went.
I stood by the door, havin no idea about what I said!
Now I'm sittin in my room, why I said that thing! Didn't I know what they are?
Surely I know, but I wanna go, think it'd be fun tryin this way of life; I think they'd planned to invite me even if I didn't meet em in the stairs.
Sure Doug gonna kill me if he finds out, and neighbors might not lemme into their places, especially Elena & Harwicks, but I'm not gonna do anything, I jus wanna see what they do!
Guess, they're gonna have bj & cock tails for dinner! (kiddin!)
OK it's lunch time, I'll write to you about these nice homo guys when back!